


Dying is Easy

by noworneverland97 (yellowsmartie08)



Series: Living is Harder [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Drowning, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Post 2x19, Torture, and neither of them are okay, my favourites, they didn't say i love you in the deo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowsmartie08/pseuds/noworneverland97
Summary: A post 2x19 fic in which Maggie and Alex both process recent events. They're far from okay but hey, with each other, they'll get there.





	Dying is Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Things you should know:  
> \- I haven't properly watched any of season 2  
> \- None of the back-at-the-DEO canon stuff happened  
> \- This was also betaed by the awesome Sky  
> \- I have Feelings about these two  
> \- Title is from Hamilton, of course

Thinking about it, it isn’t the first time she’s come close to dying.

Comes with the territory, really – top secret government agency doing top secret missions with top secret weapons, top secret partners, and, goddammit, top secret pain.

It is, however, the first time she’s had someone who wasn’t Kara clutching at her on her return.

And honestly? It’s surreal. Lying on her bed next to Maggie, the whole experience feels more like a nightmare except that her heart is still pounding all these hours later, her fingertips raw and still slightly shrivelled, her fist bandaged and throbbing.

Floating – Alex lets out a scratchy laugh at her word choice – in a state of numbness because not even 24 hours ago she had been _so close_ to never seeing Kara or Maggie or J’onn again, and yet the physical injuries are minimal, bearable with no pain relief ( _I – I can’t, Mags, I need to – I need to feel my body_ ), but every time she closes her eyes she’s back in that tank with no way out and the fact it’s having this much of an effect on her is terrifying.

“Breathe, Alex.” Maggie’s voice makes Alex flinch, quiet and gentle as it is.

Breathe. It sounds so simple.

Eventually their breathing falls back in sync with each other and Alex lets her little finger twitch towards her girlfriend. She feels Maggie shift and suddenly their fingers are touching and she lets out a shaky breath.

It’s the first physical contact she’s initiated since being let out of the medical bay. She refuses to let the guilt sweep her away - or she would if the iron fist of anxiety around her heart would just _relax_ – because she knows Maggie has been wanting to hold her for her own reassurance but supportive girlfriend that she is has been letting Alex process everything until she’s ready.

_“Every time I see her lying there with her eyes closed, I just - ” Maggie covers her mouth with a shaking hand._

_“I know,” Kara whispers. “I know.”_

_“I keep seeing her when we got her out of that place, Kara, and I keep thinking about what might have happened and I know I shouldn’t do that but she was so_ still _.”_

_“I know, Maggie.”_

Alex flits in and out of sleep, jerking awake every couple of minutes. No blankets, thermostat turned up, warming but not suffocating her. Light on, steady, lighting her apartment in all its ordered chaos so different to that glass cage.

Maggie by her side, watching her, unable to sleep herself.

_I have just as much to lose as you._

“Can I?” Alex asks quietly when it becomes apparent that neither of them are going to sleep properly, turning onto her side and reaching out slowly to cup Maggie’s face.

It takes Maggie a moment to search Alex’s eyes before closing the distance and capturing Alex’s lips in hers, gently, softly, until Alex presses back into her and Maggie lets her arm curl around Alex’s waist and up her back. The kiss is deep, desperate, full of _I love you_ and _don’t leave me_ and _I promise_. It’s tongues exploring, over teeth and under lips, it’s tiny, gasping breaths that sound so, _so_ gloriously different to those first breaths in the warehouse and Maggie tugs at Alex’s shirt with grateful hands as she breathes in every memory of the woman in her arms.

Alex is tense but her fingers are so gentle on Maggie’s cheeks, stroking along tear tracks, absorbing Maggie’s warmth until they separate and Alex draws Maggie into her chest and holds her.

“Thank you.”

“What?” Maggie mumbles into Alex as she burrows as close as possible, searching for that heartbeat, so strong, so steady.

“For letting me go slow.”

“Danvers, you’re the one who nearly drowned.”

“And you’re the one who had to watch it, Maggie.” Alex runs her hand along Maggie’s shoulders. “Stuff like – like that, it’s supposed to hurt the free as much as it hurts the captured.” She leans over to snag a water bottle from her bedside table, successfully unscrewing it after the third attempt.

_Alex raises a confused eyebrow at the twelve pack of water bottles Maggie deposits on the counter._

_“So we can avoid taps,” Maggie answers the silent question. “At least for tonight. Is – is that okay?” She suddenly looks unsure, but relaxes as Alex’s eyes shimmer with the thought of tears as she nods._

Alex’s hand shakes as she brings the bottle up to her lips and drinks and it’s thanks to a lifetime of drinking on the move that she avoids spilling any. Maggie twists so her hand can ghost the bottom of the bottle just in case.

_“Alex?”_

_Alex stares into the sink. She watches the water trickle onto the porcelain and sees her reflection in the faucet and chokes._

_“Alex, Alex, it’s okay. You’re safe. You’re safe.”_

_She stumbles backwards, hands fumbling, searching, finding the wall and clutching, scrabbling, looking for anything to ground her, stop her floating away –_

_“I’ve got you, Alex.”_

_She spins in Maggie’s loose grip, ghosted around her waist, and latches onto her steadying gaze. Breathes. Steps. Reassures herself that she can move, she can breathe, she’s okay, she’s safe._

Alex puts the bottle down after offering it to Maggie, who is still overwhelmed that the first proper conversation they’ve had since the rescue has been turned to how _she_ is and how _she_ might be really not okay with what happened to Alex.

“Rest, Maggie,” Alex coaxes as exhaustion clouds Maggie’s face now Alex is breathing, Alex is talking, Alex is _real_. The negotiations, the pacing, the hunting - it all catches up with her, finally, and after checking Alex’s heart is definitely still beating under her head, Maggie lets her eyes close.

**Author's Note:**

> TBC.
> 
> Feedback welcome and appreciated.
> 
> Other planned parts of this series include:  
> \- Unwrapping "You never look before you leap" between Maggie and Kara  
> \- Lucy Lane is furious no one thought to call her  
> \- Maggie deals with the trauma of watching Alex in the tank
> 
> @thesesausagesaremouldy if you want to talk about any of the above with me on tumblr


End file.
